What does come taste like? (Blowjob flavors)

I was with a Mr. Peter, who has been abstaining from sex because of lent, but after Easter, he had to blow off some steam – so he went to me for a blow job. He hasn’t masturbated in a long time so you can imagine all the pent up energy – not to mention, the pent up ejaculate he’s accumulated, just waiting to erupt out of him like hot smegma, err, magma.

So I went down on him and did all my tongue tricks and tonsil gymnastics. He came, and he kept coming and coming and coming. Peter’s “Little Peter” pattered with torrential jizz, I had to double-bag it with two condoms.

There was just so much come, I could taste it – and I could tell everything there was to know about Peter based on his flavor. You know how they say you can judge a person from the company he keeps? Well, I could judge Peter from the taste of his come – I could tell you his diet and lifestyle just by the taste of his jizz. For instance, I could tell Peter is a smoker and a meat eater. How do I know that? His jizz tastes bitter. OK, so I knew he was a smoker because he smoked after sex, but smokers generally have bitter come. It’s the tar in the bloodstream.

Women ask about the taste of ejaculate, and there is no one way to describe it – every man has his personal flavor. Generally, there’s three basic food groups when it comes to come. Go, grow and glow? Forget it. The three jizz groups are: bitter, neutral and sweet

1. BITTER – These are men who consume a lot of caffeine – be it coffee or soda. Those who take their coffee black, their come tastes whack. So next time a guy hits on you at a Starbucks, espresso your ass out of there because his dick tastes like used coffee filters.

2. NEUTRAL – Come doesn’t taste offensive – not rancid, not putrid, just slightly salty. These are men who are probably vegetarians and drink a lot of water so the toxins from coffee or red meat don’t contaminate their jizz. I notice if a guy is fit, he probably tastes neutral – as opposed to overweight ones who may taste strong because of the meat diet.

But I could be wrong; judging jizz taste based on body type isn’t fool proof. I mean, I’ve blown men who are fit, but smoke so their dick tastes like ash trays. I’ve also blown a thin stoner who taste funky, herby – like pot. When I sucked him off, he rolled his pubes in dreadlocks. But I could’ve just hallucinated that from the taste of peyote in his penis.  

3. SWEET JIZZ – These are the men who drink copious amounts of Dole pineapple juice to taste sweeter. Another thing sweeter than actual jizz is pre-come. Actual ejaculate tastes a little funkier because of the sperm, so if you want to indulge his swallowing fetish, do it with pre-come- it’s sweeter and sperm-less. 

So those are the three basic tastes of ejaculate: bitter, neutral and sweet. You can’t really tell what he’ll taste like, but smelling his breath will clue you in: if he tastes like pineapple juice, you’re in luck; but If he smokes or is a caffeine junkie, prepare to spit out that rancid jizz – it ain’t no juice.

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One thought on “What does come taste like? (Blowjob flavors)

  1. Pingback: Banana Split (or “Why I ran away Lickety Split”) part 3 | sexgonewrong

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